Before I forget, here's the song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8v_4O44sfjM
So change the fact that in hindsight I knew I didn't really love my ex, I had just thought it would never get any better. Yeah...I really had some issues I know. But anyway, early this summer I was starting to regularly talk to the one who I now get to call mine (and by the by, he supercedes any expectations or dreams I've ever had, so all for the better) and one day, I'm feeling positively dapper and enjoying a post-school afternoon. I finally felt I had my life together and was living for myself, and felt completely confident and comfortable in my shoes.
And then my phone started going off. I looked and it was a number I didn't know. I asked who it was, and he responded with his name. I froze and just stared at my phone. And then it kept going off, and finally it was just the phone calls over and over and over. Finally I answered as coldly as possible and listened to his explanation before telling him that when I tell someone that when I say never contact me again, I mean it. And that I no longer loved him and wished no further relationship, platonic or not. And he had the nerve to once again tell me that he still loved me and would always keep a part of him waiting. I laughed and hung up.
Then I changed my phone number that night and double checked that he was blocked on everything. But the audacity in his requests after everything that had happened left me in such a huge shock. And I got so scared and felt so unsafe, I actually stopped talking to my dearheart on purpose for a few weeks until I made sure what I was feeling was real. I became terrified of it happening all over again or if I was becoming a heartless creature.
Yes, I know now, that reading this prolly makes it seem as though I could be faulty...but the truth is, everything happens for a reason. I kinda think I was made for this man (SUCH a girl I know XD) and everything that's ever happened I needed to make me strong enough for him and to be able to understand him, his thought processes, how he views things, what he values, etc.
Everyone wonders how we never met earlier. But truthfully, had I met him when he joined the group, my being 17 and his 19ish....We would have never worked. I know how I was then, and it was severely damaged and therefore using anyone in my path. And I know he wouldn't have been ready either.
We had to grow up a lot and work through our issues. But now...we're so great. He understands me so well and finds it weird that I call him knowing something's wrong. And I can just feel....I support him, but I'm not a crutch to him. We just...complement each other so well.
I'm so happy I've come so far and am strong enough and sure enough of myself to give him all of myself while not losing myself in it or breaking from the pressure.
Maybe this blog went too far round about and didn't stay with the topic I started at but....eh....I write for myself and wherever the flow takes me.
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