However, I've been told twice today that I am sweet.
The first by a woman thanking me for adjusting her sunglasses. She asked how much it would be, and I told her nothing but the truth. Nothing. For we don't charge for that. In fact, no optometry offices do. At least none I've worked at or been to. This prompted her to tell me that I am "just the sweetest." Doing the bare minimum of my job hardly qualifies me as sweet. But I smiled and thanked her nonetheless. Seems strange to think that to her, my not charging for a two minute adjustment deems me as sweet in her eyes.
The second time was as my favorite local hookah bar, from which I am currently typing from. My friend, or good acquaintance more like, is a waitress here. And randomly called me over to tell me that I am "so sweet." I asked her if she knew me at all in a joking manner.
She proceeded to tell me her reasoning was that I was the only one at my regular table she liked anymore. Because everyone else has been nothing but drama lately, and she would like nothing more than to just come to work and work. Not get wrapped up in their daily dramatics. And she enjoys me so much because I am never involved, nor do I start any. I just come in, say hi, and smoke my hookah and read, before taking my leave with a hug goodbye. Truthfully, I had no idea and sort of drama was going on at my table.
And as any introvert would, I sat back down and mulled this over, and found a completely different conclusion regarding myself; and it was not calling myself sweet.
I figure my business is my own, and everyone else's their own. If someone needs to talk, I listen and give my objective advice. But I am never really included in any group. We only ever say hi and bye. Maybe exchange a few pleasantries. But no one gossips with me, invites me to hang out with the group, invites me to their birthday gatherings, etc.
And while everyone else regards my knack for avoiding drama, which is deliberate; I also see the other side. I see it as lonely, and often downright hurtful. I don't seek anyone out, nor do they seek me out.
I don't necessarily want a drama-filled life, surrounded by cattiness. But I think it would be nice to be sought out as a friend. If only to get lunch and catch up. To feel like they care, and would really miss me when I'm gone; that they enjoy my company.
Then I remember that generally, people just exhaust me. And that for the most part, I truly enjoy flitting in and out of people's lives. Never getting sucked in or trapped in toxic relationships. Getting my fill of human interaction by occasionally observing from the sidelines before going home to my books, cat, and bed.
Maybe I just want too much from people and yet no longer want to give up myself. I just know it's one of those times I feel lonely over it but not regretful. It's just not in my personality. I am too independent and don't need or want people around all of the time.
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